23 June 2014

This is The End

#1. On my list was write a book and so I have. I once wanted to write a book that would effect many people throughout the world! (Big dreams!) Instead I wrote something very personal and will probably rarely share it.

#29. I was supposed to show everyone a huge project I have been working on. Over time it has morphed in several ways. I originally wanted to build a house a little ways away from the noise of the world. I wanted to live there but have a large house and property where other people could come. There they could take deep breaths, think, and recover from whatever was going on in their lives. I wanted to have a get-a-way for people who are depressed or struggling so they could get back on their feet and have a better chance of empowering themselves and being happy. That's the short idea of it.

Another project had to do with making quilts! I have been given and I've collected many fabric scraps over time and I am constantly piecing them together into quilt tops. I wanted to get to a certain number of quilt tops, and then launch a kickstarter campaign to raise money for the materials to finish the quilts. Once they were finished they would then be given away. I love piecing quilt tops. I love giving quilts. I have been told to sell them and I am more than happy to make them and sell them on request but the true joy for me comes from piecing together scraps that have no other place, giving them a purpose and letting them comfort and warm others.

These projects still live inside of me and will come to fruition, but not at this time.

I have felt more of an urgency to be me and to make sure my priorities are in order. Who am I? I am Jessica. I will be 30 this year. I have a husband and children that I love and adore. I have sought for more love and attention than what they give, but what they give is real and perfect. I am tired of the illusion of real life and relationships on the internet (don't get me wrong there are pros about the internet!) but I am going to strive more to live in reality. I am not one who loves doing this blog so this will be my last post. I am a seeker of a more spiritual life and I have been for a long time. It is only now that I am strong enough to let go of the world and move on. I am a “mother who knows” and that's my priority.

#30. I was wanting to throw a big party with lots of people. Sounds fun right?!

It's really not me to have a huge birthday bash. I've just always done things to please people or do things because I worry and care deeply about what people think of me. I have wanted people to need me to be a part of their lives, but they just don't. Truthfully I would love to have a close friend or two to get together where we can have real conversations and laugh and cry, etc.

Here we go. . . Sorry if this doesn't make much sense to you reader, but I am off. May your life be spectacular and may your dreams come true. May you laugh much and love more. May you walk barefoot in the grass or the sand and cloud watch on a summer day. May you find happiness because that's exactly what I am going for.

Love you!

Oh and in case I don't see you again.... Good Afternoon. Good Evening. And Good Night. :) 

17 June 2014

Getting Through

 Yes I am alive. It has been a month since I completed my goal #8. . .participate in a 5k. It was great to have my parents and sister come out and do the race. They were awesome! And I loved the shirts that my sister had gotten made. It was all a lot of fun!

I will say that I was disappointed at all of the uphill, but oh well. I live on hills! The time I got was what I usually got going around in my neighborhood so I was okay with that. I did have positive thoughts on doing a better job but it didn't happen. It was fun and all but 1/4 way through the race going uphill I wanted to cry. Running just isn't my thing. I don't mind walking and exercising and "hooray!" I finished a goal but it's not me. Now maybe if I had a soccer ball. . . .but there. Now I can say I have done a 5k.

Now #18 on my list was doing a family video of a road trip. The day after the race I did go on a trip with my kids down to Nevada and California. However, Erik stayed home so it was me and 5 kids! (What was I thinking?!) I didn't get the chance to take video or even many pictures because I had to keep an eye on all my kids. That was fine! We had a lot of fun. We did come home with a day break and then head out to Idaho too where we had more fun! As far the videos go, I took my mom's home movies and have been working on getting them on to the computer and then a dvd. It's a wave of emotions to see these videos. I have shed a few tears and laughed really hard. It's pretty fun and I hope to share the results with my family by the end of the year.

#15. Read the standard works. These are scriptures, foundations of what I believe. I have gotten through quite a bit, but I have become less intent on getting through all of them. While it might be a lofty goal I see no real purpose in it. Establishing a daily habit of scripture reading/studying and actually learning something has become more important. I love the time I take to read my scriptures. The days I read my outlook is better.

#21. Put a self reliance binder together. I think this will never be fully completed because I am picky. I can collect "how to" articles and recipes but I don't feel satisfied. I want to get the perfect soap I like and use over and over and find the best way to prune trees, etc. It has become more of a passion to gain the knowledge to be self reliant. It is easier to go about life not thinking about it but so much satisfaction comes from knowing how to do things yourself. . .at least for me.

#26 and #27 were riding a horse and learning how to swim. Well, I have been in a pool a couple of times but with 5 rugrats my time is more occupied with keeping an eye on them. Although these things would be fun to do I am not sure they're going to happen. I don't want to make excuses. They've just become less important. Maybe I am just too lazy to put out the effort.

On that note I will probably only write one more blog post in the hopefully near future to finish out this blog and give you my reasons. Thanks readers and supporters. I know there are a couple of you out there.

06 May 2014

2, 16, 20, 28

#2. Write 50 letters to family or friends. I sure thought that writing to people would be easier than it turned out to be. 50 was a lot. I hit 25 pretty quick months ago, but the last 25 took more time to think about who I would write and what to say to them. I love handwritten letters. I love taking the time to express things to others with written words. I did not get any letters back, nor did I get any response really at all. However, I DID use up cards and stationary I had so now I can go find some more cute ones to buy! I am glad I took the time to write. It was therapeutic. It is good to think of others and recognize all I have to be grateful for.

#16. Plant some flowers. Yes I did it! I divided my tulip bulbs at one point and then I planted some annuals just for fun in front of the house. I loved a yellow primrose I planted but it died within a few days of planting it! Sad. Yes I did plant flowers though and it was very nice. Hopefully it will become something I do every year. Nothing is wrong with more flowers in the world.

 #20. Essential oils. I have brushed up on my knowledge of essential oils. I have learned more by reading, talking to others, and going to a class. I finally bought some for a first aid kit from Eden's Garden. It's fun and exciting! It may not be everyone's “thing” but I really enjoy learning new things and I love the knowledge I have gained on essential oils.

#28. Go to the temple once a week for a month. This was going to be a harder goal to accomplish. I would have to find babysitters for my kids every week and I wouldn't want to burden the same generous person every week. I love going to the temple, but I decided to change my original idea a little bit. Instead of me just going I took all of my kids! No they could not go in the temple, but we walked around temple grounds. This was a great opportunity for all of us. My children seeing me attend the temple is one thing, but to talk with them about why I go and what I believe was great. I want my children to know why I choose to do things and why I teach them what I do. I want them to use their brains and make their own choices in confidence that what they choose is right for them. I love the beautiful and quiet temple grounds. I loved sharing those days with my children.
Payson temple not quite done. . .

Mt. Timpanogos we drive by a lot because we like to visit Aunt Gwen.

Loved the grass at Jordan River. Perfect picnic spot at the bottom.

The first time any of us had been to Oquirrh Mtn.

Go forward in life with a twinkle in your eye and a smile on your face, 
but with great and strong purpose in your heart
 -Gordon B. Hinckley

Gotta love 'em.

06 April 2014

10, 11, 12 ,13, 14

I have been taking a long time to update my blog on my #10, 11, 12, 13, 14 on my list of things to do before I turned 30. These goals each were taking time to do things individually with my children. As I kept thinking about it I kept remembering a specific quote from Elder Neil L. Anderson:

When I made my list I saw that I needed to spend time with each of my children. I do have them at home for their education but that does not mean I give them all the attention they need. I admit I can get quickly distracted with cleaning or projects that have been left undone. My children should not be something I squeeze in around whatever else I am doing. They shouldn't be on my list of things to do!! 

Obviously I am learning a lot by what I am accomplishing this year. I am a work in progress, but every day is a new day and every day is progressively better. I am more aware of my choices and now more so more aware of my relationships with my children. I did not do what I wrote down originally. I am doing better. I don't take hours a week with them. I enrich my life with them every day.

This one is extreme in every direction. 
I am trying to help her control it, embrace it, and progress.

I am still learning about boys.
Boys LOVE the outdoors. They can do well with responsibility.
Work comes naturally to some and has to be taught to others.

Girls can be dramatic, but loving.
They are great story tellers and cute gigglers.

It isn't the end of the world to go outside in your pjs after your bath!

Life can't get more awesome than sitting in a big box!

THEY are ultimately what my time is for.
I LOVE it!
 I LOVE them! 

07 February 2014

3, 4, 7, 17

#3. Go one month without buying anything. . . ummmm. . . so. . . . this was really hard! One reason I chose this one is because money stresses me out and it makes me dislike shopping most of the time. However, if I am trying not to be an emotional eater my next fall back is usually buying something. I may buy something that was on a list to get eventually but not necessary at that moment in time. By not spending money I was hoping to feel more free!!! Did I go the entire month without a single purchase – no. I will admit that. For example, I thought I wasn't going to continue teaching my sewing class and then I was so I had to get supplies. I am checking this one off though because I feel like it met its purpose. We didn't spend as much money as we usually do and I am definitely more aware of necessities, wants, and when I am on the verge of making a non essential purchase. Erik is probably laughing at this at the moment because my “big” spending is usually $30 of less, but hey that's $30 that could be used for something else essential . . . like books! Or fabric!

Okay still learning. . .moving on. . .

#4. Go one week without internet. Fail. Well, kind of. I learned that I can't go a whole week without internet. My church calling communicates with me via internet and/or phone, dentists, doctors, husband, etc. The point in this one was to realize how much time I spend on the internet/phone and break the habit. The Hands Free Revolution was a great find after setting this goal! I do use my phone and the internet, but unless I was going out of the house I left my phone out of my pocket, in a central location, without answering to its every little sound. I don't answer to my kids immediately when they're trying to talk to me and they are the most important! Check this one off. I realize I let unimportant things steal my time. It's a constant battle and I'm going to win more days than I lose now.

#7. Exercise 6 days a week for 3 months. This goal was to start an exercise habit and so far so good. I have done a lot of walking, picked up weights, done some mixed martial arts cardio, and started training for that 5k on my list. This has been stressful as far as I was hoping to shed some pounds along the way. I will still work on that coming along, but in the mean time I have come to enjoy exercising a bit more. It may be hard to get out of bed but once I get going and then am done I feel really good!

#17. Family Road Trip! Every year I want to have a big family project. This year we were going to do a bunch of family history. I thought it'd be fun to have the kids learn about their family (living and not) and go on a road trip to visit people and places and take pictures and video. It was going to be awesome with lots of fun stops along the way. Erik's job however has not been the most stable so we thought it was wise to not plan on a big trip. I would hate to go on a trip only to have something go wrong with his job and feel bad about spending that much money on a trip. The trip has been postponed for now and we did a small trip with our family close to home.

I took the kids to the Treehouse Museum in Ogden. It was great! They all seemed to have fun and I didn't stress out and enjoyed the time with them!

This is one of my all time favorite pictures!

I realized I can't take many pictures while I am playing with them.

We stayed in a hotel. This is a big deal! Erik and I never stayed in a hotel until our 10th anniversary last year and so our kids have never stayed in one either. It was fun! The best part was actually having the pool all to ourselves for a long time.

The next day we went to Union Station and checked out the railroad museum. It was a good time! I loved the old architecture.

Riding the old school train.

Family time.

We also braved the cold and went to the George Eccles Dinosaur Park. It was much cooler than I thought it would be and the kids had a blast!

This was such a successful and fun time! The kids were really good and we all had a lot of fun! It made me not so sad about having to cancel our other trip. After this last weekend with Evangeline in the hospital for pneumonia I have more knowledge about money and where to spend it and when to save it.

There may always be something to set us back but at the same time we can always choose to still be moving forward!

04 January 2014

5, 9, 23

Hello to 2014!

#5. Make a painting on canvas to hang up in the house somewhere. . .SO . . . I am not an artist. I find I am very strict and a perfectionist and in painting there is too much freedom (a.k.a too many things that can go wrong!). Maybe when I am older and have more time and have more of a relaxed personality (ha!) I can practice and improve. In the meantime, I made something with watercolors for Emilia.

I found that paint isn't my medium of choice. My good friend gave me a canvas though and I wanted to use it so I came up with another piece for myself. (Hopefully she is okay that I didn't use paint.) I used fine tip marker and the picture is made up of names of people who have helped shaped who I am up til 2014. There are less than 100 people, names in black, and the middle there are the words to the hymn "Each Life That Touches Ours For Good" and a quote and a scripture, etc. Yes, a few names are more prominent and don't be offended if yours isn't and no I don't need to tell you my life's story. This is for me! To remind me of where I've been, who I am, and where I want to go. As I type this and look at the picture I think maybe I will watercolor in a color for the background. . .

#9. Surprise my husband! My first thought was to plan a date without him knowing, but that wasn't working out. I would still like to do it, but to count for my goals I did something else. I had a good friend make Erik a sling shot and survival staff for Christmas. I kept it a secret, picked it up on Christmas Eve and I succeeded keeping it a surprise!  Our friend Dan did an amazing job and I appreciate all the work he put into this unique and awesome gift.

#23. Learn to sew something new. I thought this would be an easy thing to accomplish but I kept thinking I needed to do something big. I first learned a new way to sew a zippered pouch to teach to my sewing class. Then I made an infinity scarf and a Buff to wear when I walk in the cold. For Christmas I made my first reversible quilt for Coralie. It's fun to have designs on both sides! Erik helped me finish it Christmas Eve.

Lastly, Erik got me huge sharp scissors for Christmas and the first thing I cut was my finger when I went to pick them up! I soon found a scrap of suede and hand stitched this pouch for everyone's safety. I think it is now fair to say that I am done with this goal. I still want to learn to make my girls night gowns by the end of the year, but we'll see how the year goes.

There you have it my dear friends. I am learning a lot! I am seeing that I do accomplish more than I give myself credit for. At the same time if there is something I really want to do I have a better chance of accomplishing it by writing it down and posting it up in the house. I tend to then make it more of a priority.

Go forward this year making sure your priorities are where you want them to be!

09 December 2013

6, 19, 22, 24, 25

I bet you thought I wasn't really going to be doing those 30 things that I posted last time. Well, I wouldn't have blamed you! What in the world was I thinking?!  Seriously, I must have been having a great day to be thinking so positive to come up with some of those. I am not counting myself out yet so here are the first ones I have done.

Here is a picture of my lists to keep track of everything I am doing. 

#6. Get a pedometer, start with 10,000 steps a day and continually increase the steps for one month. It was not a problem to get up and go walking before the snow came. I could always get 10,000 steps in the morning but after that it was VERY hard to get more in, let alone increase the number continually. I averaged about 15,000 steps and the best day was around 19,000. I will admit that once it snowed last week I didn't go walking at all and I realize it is very good for my mood to get that in. I am happy to report that I got up and walked today, even if it had to be inside on the treadmill.

#19. Do 25 anonymous acts of kindness before Christmas. In the beginning I had big ideas that were time consuming but as time went on that dwindled to smaller home baked goodies or acts of service. I realized that no matter how big or small anything was, they were all important and enjoyable. It was fun to recruit my kids to help. I was able to teach them a variety of things from different skills to different kinds of service.

#22. Learn how to can 3 new things and actually can them! I had gone to a Provident Living class where they showed us how to can beans and butter. It seemed so simple that I HAD to do it myself. I also canned around 30lbs of chicken after my walking friend kept making it sound so easy. It WAS easy and turned out great! Thank you people who taught me and thanks to my Aunt Gwen for letting me use her pressure canner.

#24. Play the piano every day for one month. This was fun! I enjoy playing the piano and it was nice to have an excuse to HAVE to play it every day. I was able to practice Christmas songs and a song for the young women in the ward to sing to in January. Now I cannot claim to play anything perfect now, but I don't want to ever lose the capability to play so I better keep up the practicing. Thank you mom for teaching me how to play!

#25. Go to a play, opera, ballet, or musical concert. I went to see a ballet performance of the Nutcracker with Emilia and some of our friends. Sorry the pictures are on my phone from this event, but we really did go!!! Emilia was on the edge of her seat the whole time. She was entertaining to watch as she absorbed all that dancing. I love that she loves something so much! I used to go to a lot of concerts and performances and hopefully I will be able to go to more and take kids too.

5 down and only 25 more to go. I am grateful for all the positive responses I got in doing this and the few people that quickly volunteered to help me. I can't guarantee you will hear from me again before Christmas, but I will be continuously working on my list so stay tuned.

Merry Christmas to you all!